I always thought that people’s personalities were something they were born with. A bit of nature and a bit of nurture and, well, there you have it.
I didn’t actually consider the fact that people could change their personality later in life and develop it in certain ways that could eventually come naturally.
But, with the amount of competition we are living with these days to get the best job, the best spouse, and be friends with the best people, I did some research and learned that you actually can develop your personality past childhood.
While everyone has their own qualities and traits that make them unique, people still strive to improve themselves.
Do you even know what personality is exactly and how it can develop and change over time?
The word “personality” is a broad term that describes the physical and mental state of a person.
But in certain situations, you have to learn how to bring out the most attractive traits so you can put your best foot forward and grow as a person.
No matter how old you are, there is always room for improvement. Developing your personality in a positive way can make you more attractive in your professional and social life.
Here are 20 personality development tips that make you more attractive:
1. Learn Important Social Skills
If you are only attractive on the outside, it will never be enough to move you forward in your career or help you in your closest relationships.
For this reason, it is important to sharpen up your social skills. The more successful you are in the social areas of your life, the more self-confidence you will have.
Use positive gestures when you are interacting with people and be cognizant of your body language as to not give off a negative impression.
Learn to listen empathically, look people in the eye, and reflect back to them what you hear them say.
In social settings, you’ll need to be armed with some icebreaker topics to discuss and understand the art of small talk, even if you’re an introvert.
2. Don’t Avoid Socializing
In addition to learning social skills, you should not avoid having social interactions with other people.
If you’re an introvert, this will be a challenge, but more than extroverts, introverts need to stretch themselves to socialize so they don’t feel isolated and lonely.
Instead, seek out opportunities, attend various events, and be proactive in participating in social functions.
The more you avoid social interaction, the less attractive you will be because you will feel worse about yourself and appear to be snooty or disinterested in other people.
3. Create Your Own Style
You don’t want to be a replica of someone else — you want to be yourself.
Find the style that makes you the most comfortable and stick with it.
This is something you can explore and develop over time, so if you start to get tired of one thing, you can easily move on to something new.
You can find inspiration by looking on Pinterest, fashion blogs, or magazines to see what speaks to you.
The single most important factor in creating your style is to be true to yourself. Experiment with different looks, colors, accessories, and shoes.
When you feel good in your own skin, others will see your confidence and unique qualities. Your style should reflect your individuality and personality.
4. Start A Journal
A journal is an excellent tool for self-reflection and personal growth. You can honestly explore where and how you need to improve to develop your personality.
If you start a journal, you can document the actions you are taking, solve any challenges you’re facing, and watch your improvements as you write about them.
Seeing this in black and white will make you feel proud of yourself and more confident about your personality type.
If you don’t know how to start a journal, remember that it is a very personal thing and there really is no right or wrong way. But consistency is key so that it becomes a daily habit.
5. Stay Smart and Keep Cool
Have you ever heard the phrase, “Don’t let them see you sweat”?
Even if you are panicking on the inside during a stressful situation, try to keep cool on the outside. Remaining calm rather than falling apart or flying off the handle will make you appear more emotionally intelligent and balanced.
There are certainly people in your life with whom you can share your worries and anxiety, but in most situations that are stressful, it’s better to take a deep breath and try to remain calm.
amazon button for self-care for introverts book cover
This allows you to have a clear head to make the best decisions without agitating emotions clouding your judgment.
6. Don’t Doubt Yourself
Keeping cool leads to this next tip of not doubting yourself.
Remind yourself of your competence often and be positive and assertive in your decisions and actions. Try to trust your own judgment and inner wisdom, and draw from the years of experience you have to analyze how to move forward.
If you need feedback, find a few trusted mentors to give you a different perspective. But in the end, you need to make your own decisions confidently.
This will make you look and feel like a leader, which is attractive in any area of your life.
7. Be Optimistic
Optimism is contagious.
No one likes to be around someone who is constantly complaining or looking at the negative side of things.
Additionally, pessimism leads to learned helplessness and weakness while optimism leads to power.
People are attracted to others who can look at the bright side of things and can bring positivity to any situation, no matter how bleak it may seem.
8. Be Passionate About Your Work
Nobody likes to hear a ho-hum attitude or constant complaints about someone’s work or career. In fact, nothing is more contagiously attractive than someone who feels passionate and enthusiastic about what they do.
If you’re unhappy with your job or feel stuck in the wrong career, don’t complain about it while doing nothing to change your circumstances
Take action to figure out what your passion is and how you can make it work in your life. Talk about your passion for finding your passion, and how excited you are to explore and test the waters.
Your excitement and positivity will compel others to support and help you. You’ll find that opportunities find their way to you as you put the word out that you are ready to create a new life for yourself.
Once you figure out what your passion is, try to maintain a positive attitude about making the necessary changes in your life. Don’t allow self-doubt or fear hold you back from initiating the steps required.
9. Don’t Be Aggressive
While there are plenty of times when you will want to be assertive, this does not mean that you need to be aggressive. Being aggressive is a big turn off to people, both in a social situation and in a professional situation.
If you have a tendency to be pushy or controlling, be honest with yourself about these unattractive qualities, and work on reining them in.
Being calmly confident and forthright about what you want or the direction you think things should go reflects leadership and resolve.
Being brash and forceful makes others resent and even avoid you.
10. Lighten Up
No one is really attracted to boring and overly serious people.
Being the person who is always cautious, always the naysayer, or can’t see the humor in a situation is off-putting.
Other people enjoy having the company of someone who is light-hearted and can make them laugh.
Even during the most stressful, calamitous times during the Civil War, President Abraham Lincoln won the hearts of his cabinet and military leaders with his quick wit, lively storytelling and self-deprecating demeanor.
If you learn how to add some levity while you’re having a conversation, other people will be naturally drawn to you. Before joining a party or other social event, think about amusing things that happened during the week.
Have a couple of humorous stories ready to share when the moment is right.
If you aren’t naturally funny, or you’re a more serious type, try to be an appreciative audience for those who are.
11. Be Consistent
Being consistent doesn’t necessarily mean that you always have to be predictable. It means that you follow through on a regular basis.
Consistency can help you develop routines and form habits to accomplish your goals. Consistency leads to success, which is a compelling quality to others and affords you a boost in confidence.
Being consistent also helps you develop a reputation for being dependable — people can count on you to follow through and honor your word.
Consistency is a big part of emotional intelligence and necessary for healthy relationships in your personal and professional life.
12. Be a Good Listener
Active listening is a personality trait that is too often forgotten in our modern-day society.
Rather than thinking about the list of things you have to do or where you need to be when you’re talking to someone, pay attention to what they are saying and respond appropriately.
This may mean just nodding your head to show that you are listening and understanding or mirroring their body language so they know you are on the same page.
Show people that you are listening, and you are interested by asking questions about what they are saying and relating to the topic being shared.
Feeling heard by another person is one of the most validating gifts. When you really listen and show you care about what the speaker is saying, you’ll win a fan for life.
13. Be Sincere
No one likes people who are phonies or insincere.
False flattery, being inauthentic, being “salesy” and acting like you are “all that” is a real turn-off.
It’s important to be appropriately open and honest with yourself. You don’t have to share everything, but you need to be yourself.
That authenticity will shine through and is very attractive to others, even when you fear others won’t like the real you.
Don’t become a people pleaser who says or does things just to win the affection or respect of others. You train people to take advantage of you when you do, which ultimately leads them to lose respect for you — and you for yourself.
Remember, sometimes an honest “no” is better than a dishonest “yes”.
When people ask for your opinion, be honest and open about what you think, without being rude.
For example, if you dislike your friend’s haircut, and your friend asks you about it, try saying, “I really love it when your hair is long,” rather than, “I think it it’s a bad look for you.”
ice-climbing-outgoing-personality14. Be Confident, Not Cocky
Having confidence is endearing, but being overly confident is very unattractive.
People tend to turn away from others who have a personality that revolves only around how great they are.
An effective way to avoid this is to focus your attention on other people and offer compliments and kind remarks.
Each day, find something to compliment about the people you encounter — whether they are friends, family, or strangers, doing this will keep you grounded and will win you the affection of these people
We remember people fondly who say nice things to us. We tend to criticize, then forget those who are cocky and braggarts.
15. Dress Confidently
We talked earlier about having your own style, but another important part of being confident is simply looking the part.
Dressing appropriately for the occasion and keeping a healthy posture will exude confidence.
You can have confidence in your body no matter what size you are. People will be attracted to you if you dress appropriately, respect yourself and your body, and carry yourself with pride.
If you feel self-conscious one day, remind yourself of the parts of your body and personality that you like. Also, remind yourself of your health and the things that your body is able to do.
Everyone has flaws and feels uncomfortable about themselves from time to time. But when you dress with style, hold your head high, and speak with confidence, you’ll feel more confident and others will see it.
16. Don’t Strive for Perfection
It is important to remember that you don’t have to be perfect. When you are willing to show your imperfections, you put people at ease. Others will feel like they can open up to you if you are being open with them.
Most of the time, the negative sentiments that you communicate or imply about yourself bring undue attention to perceived flaws.
Instead, let go of the small things, and when you are faced with criticism, try to laugh it off. At the end of the day, other people don’t define you, you define yourself.
If you tend to be a perfectionist and feel “lesser than” if everything isn’t done just so, you might want to read the book, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are, by Brene Brown.
17. Live for Yourself
People who live with a sense of purpose are attractive because they are able to show their strength and inner poise.
Focusing on other people’s perceptions of you is a waste of time — time that could better be used on things you want to do in your life.
Think about the things that bring you joy and what makes you feel content. Quiet the voice in your head that has you worrying about what other people think.
18. Choose Happiness
Other people can sense when you are happy and this happiness is contagious.
Choose to be grateful, to see the positive in life rather than the negative, to find joy in simple things, and to keep a smile on your face.
Be more aware of your internal critic, and try to ignore your critic’s negative voice. Distract yourself with projects, reading, exercise, work, volunteering, or creative endeavors.
Have something positive going on in your life at all times. Do what you have to do to choose happiness and reflect it to others..
19. Practice Self-Care
People who take good care of themselves are more attractive to others because they are able to show that they have self-compassion.
Taking care of yourself means that others people will see you as someone who values themselves enough to devote time to maintaining balance and well-being.
Eating healthy food, exercising on a regular basis, pampering yourself on occasion, and paying attention to your mental health should be part of your daily routine.
20. Develop Charisma
If you’ve met people who are likable, but you couldn’t exactly put your finger on why they were so likable, they probably have a good dose of charisma.
According to Ronald E. Riggio, Ph.D., in an article for Psychology Today . . .
Personal charisma is a constellation of complex and sophisticated social and emotional skills. They allow charismatic individuals to affect and influence others at a deep emotional level, to communicate effectively with them, and to make strong interpersonal connections.
It involves many of the qualities of emotional intelligence, as well as that magical ability to “light up a room.”
Anyone can learn to be more charismatic by making some changes to your behavior. Charisma is all about the things that you say and do rather than who you are as a person.
Your social cues, physical and facial expressions, and how you treat other people are all a part of developing charisma. As you become more confident and authentically accessible, others will see you as more charismatic.
Developing and improving your personality to be more attractive takes practice.
This is a process that won’t happen overnight, but as time passes, it will require less and less effort to sculpt your personality into something that feels good to you and that others will want to be around.
Your personality doesn’t have to be fixed in stone. You have the power to become the best version of yourself by working on these ideas.
Choose one that you’ll start working on today, and watch how it impacts your own confidence and the way people respond to you!